It is December 15th, 1987, about 8:30pm.
I am curled up in a wine colored, crushed velvet chair in our family living room.
The only lights in the room? The Christmas Tree.
The only sounds? The Carpenter’s Christmas Album – and I do mean album. I am staring at the tree, mesmerized. I have always been a sucker for all things Christmas.
Come December 24th, my Dad will ask my brother and I to sit next to him as he reads Twas The Night Before Christmas. My Mom will take a picture of it. We will listen to more of the Carpenters.
On the morning of the 25th, my brother and I will wake up – sharing a room because my Grandmother is in town. We know we are NOT allowed to get up until 7am – per Dad’s instructions. So, we will keep each other entertained playing ‘I Spy’ through a series of picture books. By the time we are released from our rooms, we are simply dying to see the tree.
But first, the adults need tea, my mom insists on setting the stage by turning on lights and music. My brother and I fight over who gets to put Baby Jesus in his Nativity Scene Manger.
Our present opening process takes HOURS, not because there are too many gifts, but because we move very slowly through the process. There are only five of us – but we revel in the giving, in the hugs and thank-you’s, in the laughter, in the memories.
I can’t tell you what gifts I received in 1987 – or in any other year for that matter. I can tell you I remember the traditions. I remember the moments, the memories.
This is the gift I wish to give my children – the magic of memories. And I want those memories to include doing for others.
The Christmas Change at Home
My sweet, small people are at a tender, impressionable age. They are five and three.
When asked how many presents they should receive, the small girl cocks her head to the right – pondering, “I don’t know….100?” Typical, I think, for a young one. But I see this simply as an invitation to change.
“For Christmas, you will get three presents from Mommy and Daddy because that is how many Baby Jesus was given.”
Remarkably, there is no disappointment evident on her cherubic face. She nods in understanding.
This change is likely more of a challenge for me than for anyone else in my family. My husband is the voice of reason. I am the one who has always given too much. But committing to this change feels beautiful deep down – from my toes to the ends of my hair. I am forced to make lists. I am cutting back on traditional present giving – and wrapping the people I love in the small, but meaningful.
Doing less and spending less means more time with my family, more opportunity to give to others who need and more opportunities to make those memories.
Some day, I trust, my small people will be able to recount for you – the fun of decorating the tree, the pain of waiting to see the tree on Christmas morning, the joy of giving to others, the magic of the season’s music and the beauty of fighting over putting Baby Jesus in that Manger on Christmas Morning.
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The memories of Christmas past, with my family , are so dear…and yet, I too do not remember the actual presents. It is the closeness, the way my family made the actual day special, and ultimately the memories that make this dy special to me, and so very memorable.
Love this post.
“I can tell you I remember the traditions. I remember the moments, the memories.”
This is such a powerful dose of perspective. In the past, I’ve spent so much time creating and re-working and living and dying by my gift lists – choosing the perfect gift for each person. Now that my children are entering the stage of life where they will actually remember what the experience of Christmas was like in our home, I want to invest my time and energy in the tradition and moments rather than the gifts.
Such a lovely reflection. Thank you so much for sharing with us!
I have myself thought about this 3 gift deal too. I am a soon-to-be adoptive mother of multiple sibling from right here in the USA who is desperately wanting to TONE DOWN the commercialized nature of the season. I do want my children to enjoy a few gifts but we are choosing not to make gifts alone the big deal.
Q: Are there any moms out there with more ideas on specifically the gifting area? (perhaps using the $ for an upcoming family vacation, ect) Need more ideas!
Thanks to all you creative and seasoned mom’s out there!
This has conjured so many memories of my own. Thank you for this, Danielle.
The retailers would have you think that the Barbie dream house or the riding jeep is what your kids will remember. But when those toys are long gone, the memories of time with family will still be there. Great post.
Your memories sound so familiar… from fighting about who gets to put baby Jesus in the manger, to finding ways to make it until 7am on Christmas morning!
I love the idea of three gifts – it makes so much sense. Thank you for sharing!
This is our year to give. Not so much to one another, but to those who are in need. Our choice as a family is Samaritan’s Purse. There will be some gifts under the tree, mostly homemade items created with love. The kids will have some boughten gifts from grandparents and aunt & uncle, but not many.
I like the 3 gift idea, but with the way our family is now configured, feelings would be hurt and that’s not what this is about.
We are choosing to be deliberate-in what we make and what we give. We are looking outside our walls and loving the opportunities to bless others. Thanks for the encouragement and ideas.
Thank you so much for your beautiful comments on this post. I sat in the dark of our living room, with only the lights of the tree and fireplace mantel to reflect on the moments that made Christmas magic for me – I love knowing that many of you have similar memories.
Heather – I was just reading an article on gift ideas – one mother suggested doing a special activity with each child – maybe one loves Chuck E Cheese and another loves music (so take them to an actual High School Muscial) etc. This way, you spend FAR less and have the experience to remember.
We’ve bought the most wanted gift for each child, within our family idea of reasonable price, which I think is far less than most of our friends and neighbours, but the kids are used to it. But that was never the focus. It was part of the more important things like long mornings in pyjamas, board games, going skating, loud talk and laughter while the grandparents snore away, and getting together with our neighbours every year and celebrating community.
I’ve posted how I am taking a more committed approach to this season of Christmas Change .
http://forsakenforlent.blogspot.com/2009/12/hope-every-day.html
Thanks once again for the nudge to keep doing this better.
Thanks for the help and idea Danielle! Much Appreciated!!!!
I have no words, only tears. Thank you for that beautiful story and video! The story is all too familiar and the video speaks to the wishes I have made for my family for Christmas this year. God bless and Merry Christmas!